It just so happens no-matter how involved, stable and perfect your parents or relatives are or aren’t, there are a whole bunch of lessons you’re only going to learn by going through life. Some of these lessons are like cold slaps right across your face that get you completely off guard or have you questioning yourself for years and years to come while on completely separate occasions, other revelations are pleasantly unexpected and taste like a warm banana bread or chocolate fudge cake breaking apart in your mouth.. Splendid! Just wonderfully splendid!
Before I relay my deliberations, I’d like to say the clothes I’m wearing were designed for a fashion showcase by Paple Rayn Hub at The Backyard Gardener’s Event. I designed them with a summer theme in mind to coordinate with the beautiful green gardens of Sheraton Hotel where the event was held following the general theme and style of the event.
“Before the time goes and the light folds and things gold and glow away, before things end, let them begin” Nayyirah Waheed.
- Every event is linked and connected by a very powerful web called timing. You’re the only one who can decide when your time has come. It’ll be quiet, no fireworks, no background music and yet, that moment will change your outlook on life forever! You’ll pick your phone up and everything that happens next will just be different. Own your power to wield things into existence. Grab life by the balls!
- It’s much easier to be sad or unhappy than it is to be happy. Sadness has actual physical impacts on the body one can equate to a punch in the stomach or your heart hurting, literally! Ever wondered why is it that when you’re scared or shocked, you suddenly want to empty your bowels, get drenched in cold sweats and sometimes get so light headed? Because the effects of pain on the body are physically intense, it can easily become a pattern for one to live in constant dread of them or in expectation of them. You can guess what type of life follows… not one aligned with mental peace at all. That’s why happiness is a CHOICE! It is a verb not a noun; A call to a series of intentional actions and doesn’t just happen to you. Happiness is harder because you have to block pain out to access it in every single moment. Happiness takes will power, defiance and basically pride to say to pain, “Nah I’m good love, enjoy!”
- Tell a man he is ugly and his first reaction might be to associate this description with having a less than fanciful looking house, car, job or clothes. He’ll mentally term these as achievable milestones and might set out to bring them to fruition just to spite the memory of your description of him! Now, tell a woman she is ugly and she’ll begin to doubt if turquoise has really been her favorite color since childhood and if she’s had her life all wrong for the past 30 or 20 something years?! Every compliment will be shadowed by thoughts of not being good enough calling her self-esteem into question. “Before you speak, taste your words.”
- No one will ever fully know you and you will never fully know everything about yourself either! Everybody is a work in progress and on a continuous journey of self discovery. Sitting down and talking with my grandparents made me realize I need to relax, enjoy every phase of my life as is! They’re still asking themselves what they could have been if they really did A instead of B. My grandma is still trying to work on being more vocal about things instead of lamenting. Sometimes, she says she’s not going out when we have plans because she’s tired but will start dressing up abruptly the minute everybody starts entering the car saying she’s realized she needs to be more outgoing. Well, well, well, seems like at almost 90 years of age, she’s still trying to figure out the balance between Netflix and chill vs. “Babe, let’s go out!” The takeaway for me is to align with people who are willing to enjoy the ride and the possibility of never figuring out life together. Remember, you have to invite them in first and if/when they’re willing to stay, respect them so hard.
- The customer is NOT my God or king! If you know more, speak up and if you don’t, listen so you can do better but don’t take money from clients on your knees or damn near kissing the floor. You have earned your throne, you have earned your badge of honor with all your toiling. Improve where you need to and speak with respect BUT do not mindlessly beg for scraps while someone stomps all over you. To provide a worthwhile service, you yourself have to treat it with utmost respect. “For two people to respect each other as equals, they must first respect what they themselves and then the other brings to the table.”
- Marriage and parenting isn’t for everyone and that’s okay! Constantly evaluate and re-evaluate what these two mean to you on a spiritual, intellectual, physical and emotional level before you are comfortable running after them heart in hand. They are the highest forms of the human experience and yoking with someone who has the same beliefs and expectations is what makes them a wholesome worthwhile experience.
- Religion is one of the darkest closets people use to hide their demons. The spirit of discernment also known as a sixth sense is one of the most powerful tools you have to guard you against these types of spiritual ties with the wrong people. If something genuinely feels off, you better hold and back it all the way up!!! “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
- It’s darn near impossible to get a long with a potential love interest, workmates or people in general who don’t appeal to your love language(s). It’s also quite interesting that this can be applied in professional organisations (work environments) by managers or team leaders to influence more positive behavior from their employees or team mates during assignments. It can also be used as a tool when creating reward systems that are more meaningful to staff memebers. Do your homework!
- Ask questions; Question things; Question yourself. Curiosity is the only reason the cat found out it has nine lives!
- Child birth is the closest thing to Jesus dying on the cross for our sins in my books! The highest and purest form of self sacrifice for the purpose of saving someone else. It could still be linked to my childbirth fear buuut is there a lie here?!? NO! Men, respect your mothers and wives! Even the Bible says men should love their wives as Jesus loved the Church. Heart on sleeve and all because we women go through so much sacrificing on such extraordinary levels.
- If he/she doesn’t want you after you’ve done everything humanly possible to show them your heart, leave! Don’t make excuses, don’t linger, don’t procrastinate, don’t beg and plead. Absolutely leave with haste! Your heart will cry for a while but it will thank you immensely later.
- If you’re sorry, say so. If you appreciate something, say thank you. If you’re hurt, speak up and explain why. Do you want another chance? ask and work for it. Be straightforward in letting your hearts’ intent free so it can breathe easily. Don’t get buried in a world of words un-spoken. Regret will soon hound and haunt you for the rest of your life.
- Some pains and aches never really heal completely 🙁 You always struggle with them and you can only try to live a meaningful life in spite of them. The magic is to turn them into lessons and move on instead of getting fixated on the scars. No amount of therapy or lamenting to friends can help you with this. Harsh truth about adulting is that you’ve got to figure out your baggage and grow from it. No one really teaches you how to deal with losing a child, a parent, a spouse… they just pray that sort of thing isn’t in your cards. To be honest, I’d imagine that kind of pain never goes away entirely. You just learn to adjust and build a new life around these tragedies and you know what, that’s okay. Mustering up the courage to do this is a humongous victory in itself.
- Indecision is by far the absolute worst decision you can ever make! When you act, you either fail so that you can learn a whole lot of lessons that make you better, wiser, stronger and more capable or, everything goes gloriously! Indecision is the equivalent of the medical term “cabbage brain.” A vegetative state where the brain cells slowly die due to lack of enough oxygen making the patient mentally slow because the brain isn’t releasing signals to the central nervous system effectively. The more decisions you intentionally make, the better at it you become. Things stop just happening to you, YOU become the force instead that happens to them! Can I get an Amen?!
With that being said, allow me to end here and grab a banana cake and some spiced African tea 🙂
Wardrobe: Box dresses and Long Coats by; The Paple Rayn Hub Label.
The Black Croc Bomber Jacket is a men’s piece I thought I’d show off as well. I made it using my current favorite suede fabric which I named; The Black Panther.
As always, thank you for stopping by! Much love, XoXo.
Photography; Tonic William
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