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It’s obvious I feel some type of way about turning 28. If I were to choose one word to describe this feeling, it would be… sexy! I certainly feel more comfortable in my own skin and who I am as a person.
So many different emotions keep clamoring for attention giving me flashbacks of the various paths I’ve taken willingly and otherwise that led me here. There isn’t and has never been a calculated method to my madness so I’m just going to write down all that comes to me.
I could make this simple, but it’s just a little complicated. I could write things like, ‘I’m blessed’ and tell you how I’ve received a certain level of enlightenment and bouquets of happiness… But that’s just not what I want to write about. I’m a long walk from a cliché and I actually like that about myself!

I’ve got my headsets on, listening to my favorite song under my bachata music folder – hands down the sexiest love music of all time! Wait till you see how it’s performed! I’m so in love, just let me be!! My tummy is performing little back-flips every thirty seconds and I just might be smiling because this could get awkward or really good real quick! So, let me take you…
 
Nursing a lot of, “What if’s” and I don’t know why. I keep trying to see my life through different lenses just to spot the moments where I chose this path. I guess I’m trying to re-live these moments and how I felt but this time replacing my fear and uncertainty with a pat on the back. If purple never reigned… Would you – but she did. Don’t want to change that.
Michelle Nkatha Ntalami. Bad chic, have you heard of her?
Almost 2 years since… Since I wore this dress, since I wore this face, since I found my pace. I found her.
Not interested in another ex or as Joe put it, “another used to be.” Time is probably moving, but mine isn’t. I’ve created my own space where I’m floating over different emotions. I already know myself and what I’m like in a relationship. I don’t need to sample different things to know where I’m at or what I want. Out run me…
The game always changes when you remember who you are.
If you show me all your flaws, I’ll show you mine…
 Most attractive quality in a guy, to me, might just be good conversation. I’m not the type of girl who’d carry on aimlessly making small talk. But when I get into it and I’m interested in a conversation, I’d probably bite your ear off! I’d go on and on with the most random expressions.

This is where I re-introduce you to; Mind Sex – Dead Prez “… take a walk verbally, make a bond certainly… ”

This song changed my entire perception of men and dating! These guys, raise your hands please, dammit!

No longer interested in keeping up. With you, with her, with him, with them. Just out run me…
Less is more. What if I’m more? I don’t want to be less so you can be more. I am S and that’s just more.
Spending my time spending time. I’d spend it all, spend it slow.
 Psalms 139:14. Got that tattoo almost 6 years ago. I remember it was right after I’d left University and my bff has the photo on her Instagram page to prove it! My interpretation of this verse is; A Love letter to myself, “Don’t forget to glimpse the beauty in your madness”
Happy you always put me together, happy we’ve managed to stick life out together. That’s why best friends are forever. You will always be my first soul mate and my first, “till death do you part”.
Whoever you are, why are you standing in the middle of my chaos? S T A Y.
Showed me how to be me and love me. Then, showed me how to love with all of me. Six when we should have been eight. Those two, I’ll never forget. She came out, drew her breath and she was gone. He was only five when I was six. First time death was that close. But we moved on as a family, we took what God gave us and made it out of that sadness. Looking at what we made, now I want this of my own . You showed me how beautiful it can be even with the madness.
Some moments not so perfect, some memories not so sweet. We have to know some bad times to make our lives complete.
My name means graceful lily in Hebrew. Wait, let me take a second, I feel your loving essence on me. When I hear your voice speak and I hear your body heed, love every minute of it!
The Lily of the Valley by: Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)

Sweetest of the flowers a-blooming
In the fragrant vernal days
Is the Lily of the Valley
With its soft, retiring ways.

Well, you chose this humble blossom
As the nurse’s emblem flower,
Who grows more like her ideal
Every day and every hour.

Like the Lily of the Valley
In her honesty and worth,
Ah, she blooms in truth and virtue
In the quiet nooks of earth.

Tho’ she stands erect in honor
When the heart of mankind bleeds,
Still she hides her own deserving
In the beauty of her deeds.

In the silence of the darkness
Where no eye may see and know,
There her footsteps shod with mercy,
And fleet kindness come and go.

Not amid the sounds of plaudits,
Nor before the garish day,
Does she shed her soul’s sweet perfume,
Does she take her gentle way.

But alike her ideal flower,
With its honey-laden breath,
Still her heart blooms forth its beauty.

She says I should be in the kitchen more. I don’t know, is she trying to groom me more? She says I should wear more dresses. I think, to remind her I’m still her little princess. Sometimes I act sharp, and make her snap but I love her so. I remember to always send a text just to let her know. So I’ll be in the kitchen more. Just so I can watch her glow.
How does he do it though? Be my father, be my friend and teach me all these things I know? God knew I needed him and gave me this gift – so personal. I look at him in fear of when that day would come. Separated by worlds until my time. Then I stop myself and these tears I feel, so I can enjoy this time he’s here with me.
Using my ego as steam to power my dream.
Clark Kent has Superman, Bruce Wayne has Batman, my super power: No one is me. Once I understood the magnitude of that, all I resorted to being was myself.
Not wasting… Time
Learning that I can move mountains and be the mountain standing in my own way
Leaning into the pressure; letting it beat me so I can learn a thing or two.
Breathing. Slowly, fiercely but more slowly
Forgetting to forget because I learnt the lesson.
Happiness is where we put it, only we never put it where we are!
 
Happy Birthday to me!! I’m indeed blessed and happy to be alive! (Yeah, I can be cliche but only on my own terms!) Love you guys! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs & kisses
Photography: Benny Popie KYAKABALE
Tags : bloggerfashionfashion bloggerphotographyRedsuesanne tusiimesuesanne.meugandaugandan bloggersvelvetWearing Red

11 Comments

  1. By far, to me, your best article! I like your writing cause it feels like it comes to from the immediate you, rather than you thinking about how to put it. It always feels somehow real from you, though I’ve always thought it lacks when it comes to connecting to your audience. You write, not to connect, but to express. Change that, and you are where you want to be.

    “I am your audience! Can you keep up!”
    Well done Susanne, I will forever remain looking out for you

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